Feminism is Gagging on the Patriarchy

I was invited to a Sunday feminist potluck by the Memphis Feminist Collective by email. I was excited, and though, oftentimes, prone to social anxiety, I decided to give it that shot in the dark. I conjured images of meeting new people—possible female friends and forming a gang of bad-ass females who might, possibly fight crime in the wee hours of the night.

But, when Sunday night rolled around, I was tired, contemplating just staying home under my electric blanket, my cat curled on my chest, purring his pains of old age away. Then the image of a purple cape waved in my mind. I had to go. I had to put myself out there and met other feminist!

I put my hand on the window of my bedroom. It was cold. I piled on the layers, and hopped in my car, stopping at Kroger along the way for chips and bean dip. After all, it was a potluck. I needed to bring something.

I arrived. It was a small house in the Getwell area. Not the safest part of town. But quaint, and with history. Inside I was presented with a large spread of food covering the kitchen stove, counters, and a large table in the dining room. I immediately felt sick–and hungry at the same time. Everyone had brought a warm dish, and here I was holding a back of Frito’s. I fringed a smile, and attempted conversation, trying to appear well adjusted and confident, neither being true. I was petrified. I didn’t know a soul there, feeling like an ostrich on a beach of pelicans and still holding a pathetic bag of Frito’s.

In the living room, people sat on the floor gathered around, the center of conversation being a very cute baby, and an older, female bulldog. I understood the baby-thing (this was truly a cute baby) but not the dog. After it farted in my face, I was done with the hippie circle and moved to sit at one of the chairs centered around a large glass coffee table, and that’s when the patriarchy pimp slapped me.

It slapped me twice. A stack of Playboys sat, dispersed across the table.

And on a small white plated shelf sat a large portrait of Linda Lovelace, an obvious snapshot from the film, with her mouth wide open, in a fictitious moan.


I listened to the voices around me, and all their mutterings about race, immigration, Trump, and climate change and I begin to feel dizzy as their words ran together, and around me. I heard something about a protest against racism at a local mall, and another thing about passing out sandwiches for immigrant families—all good things, “YES, wonderful things but….so, what’s this group do exactly—for women, I mean?”

A young girl next to me, bright, with short blonde hair, answered, “I don’t know really. We don’t meet much.”

And it was on that note, I drove home, my stomach fat with a vegan Thanksgiving (the owner of the house was vegan), dejected.

Should I have spoken up? Should I have requested the image of Mrs. Linda, a snapshot of her assault (as she stated) be respectfully removed? Should I have asked for my copy of Playgirl? Maybe. But I didn’t. I stayed silent as women have been taught to do, all the whist my heart was breaking. Even in the midst of “feminist,” the patriarchy sneered at me, hissing quietly, taunting as it does.


“Everyone that watches “Deep Throat” is watching me being raped. ”- Linda Lovelace


“I don’t get jealous of other girls, because I was… raised in a cloning lab to be the perfect woman for Hugh M. Hefner, so, other than the fact that my I.Q.’s probably a little higher than he would like, I have nothing to worry about.”- Holly Madison


“The notion that Playboy turns women into sex objects is ridiculous. Women are sex objects. If women weren’t sex objects, there wouldn’t be another generation. It’s the attraction between the sexes that makes the world go ’round. That’s why women wear lipstick and short skirts.”- H. Hefner

The Story Behind Linda Lovelace and her Epic Film, “Deep Throat.”


What is Behind those Playboy Mansion Walls?


H. Hefner





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