Bubble Gum Pussy

There are many cultural notions that strangle female sexuality, one of those being: A vagina in use, or used is impure, tainted, or defective. This notion is in bed with society’s obsession with virginity—more specifically female virginity. Ironic, given that the idea of virginity is nothing more than that. It is simply an idea (one based on false premises), a social construct created years ago to guarantee new husbands that their brides were their property alone. Yes, property. Women were passed as literal pieces of property from their fathers to their husbands. This tradition continues today, seemingly benevolent, with fathers giving away the bride in matrimony. The notion of female genitalia having a quick expiration date thrives because in large part, female sexuality has been commodified and remains, still, the property of heterosexual men.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor’s.- The Holy Bible; The Ten Commandments

This notion of female purity is far from dead, and permeates much of American culture, and beyond, even being a reoccurring theme in the major religions of the world. Think of Islam’s promise of a hoard of virgins for their male martyrs. Where’s the promise of a hoard of male virgins for the devout Muslim woman?

In M. Night Shyamalan’s latest film, “Split,” it was two young virgins in the film that the camera angles lingered over, and ultimately slaughtered for the supernatural monster. The third female in the film, since having had been molested by her father, and considered impure, was passed over by the monster–and the camera. In Wes Anderson’s latest film, “Isle of Dogs,” the main female dog character (pure-breed) had to defend her purity to another dog–male of course. He never had to offer any such defense regarding his purity.

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And this notion extends beyond blockbuster movies. It exists in the hearts and minds of men raised in our culture of toxic masculinity. Just recently, I struck up a new friendship with a local artist in my hometown of Memphis, TN. As new friends do, we met at a local cafe for eats and conversation. About fifteen minutes into the conversation, (I’ll call him Evan), Evan began to go on and on about how he preferred virgin women to women who’ve “been around” because 1). They are more responsive to his touch, more “turned on,” and secondly, 2). He doesn’t have to compete with the guys before him.” and lastly, 3). Her pussy is tight, clean, kept up.

The line of conversation disgusted me, but I listened. I wanted to understand this notion from an adult male. Now, of course, this is just one man, one voice, but his spoken thoughts echo the larger culture. (Which is where I am sure he got his ideas). And it struck me. The patriarchy is absolutely terrified of females who own and express their sexuality for their own pleasure. Let’s breakdown Evan’s (society’s dialogue) sentiments.

“They are More Sensitive to HIS Touch.”

It is important for the patriarchy to feel like his dick (his touch) is the end all, be all for women. He alone can turn her on. And her, and her, and her, and her, because he deserves access to an endless buffet of female bodies, but to her, HE is the ONLY ONE. In other words, he craves complete control. She is HIS property.

“He doesn’t have to Compete with Guys before him.”

Compete? Without competition, he can do as he pleases with her. He doesn’t have to pull out any new stunts, or tricks to turn her on, or even turn her on. He can be the one and only, in control, and without obligation to really do anything for her. Since he is all she knows, she can’t ask for anything better. Upgrade simply unavailable. Again, it’s about complete control. She is HIS property.

“Her Pussy is Tight, Clean and Kept.”

And this is the heart of it, right? A woman who has sex is “used,” “fucked,” “out of order,” etc. There are words/phases to describe these sorts of women, right? Whore, slut, scant, nasty, and their vaginas, too, busted pussy, bubble gum pussy, gaping hole, etc. What words do we have to describe a dick that has been used? That doesn’t even sound right in a sentence does it? A dick that has been used…

It doesn’t sound right because male sexuality is not constrained by female oppression. Women do not walk around with the belief that men are here to serve them sexually. In fact, a man who sleeps around is considered a man’s man. He is praised and envied. This notion causes harm to men who decide to wait for a particular commitment before sex, or who, for whatever reason, are unable to obtain sex. Unlike the female genitalia, we do not have images of busted dicks or malformed penises after use. I mean, we could easily exaggerate the after effects of sex on the male genitalia with images of saggy balls, limp dicks, or sticky cum. We don’t. We don’t because men are not shamed for using and expressing their sexuality. They are encouraged to sow their seed.

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And let’s be clear. This last sentiment is about SHAMING women who do not submit to male control. It’s about shaming her for demanding competition, demanding pleasure (which requires the man to work (foreplay), she does not moan and oooh and awe over every dick that comes her way. Keeping it simple, it is about shaming a woman for using her sexuality for her benefit, and at her discretion. This sentiment, like the two prior, is simply about CONTROL. Shame is a very powerful weapon used often, and successfully to whip the “disobedient” back into line. The patriarchy says: Your body is my body and you better remember that.

There is nothing wrong with a woman who sleeps around. The only thing wrong with a woman who sleeps around is one who does it because she is trying to please every Tom, Dick and Harry without demanding any of them please her back. Your vagina = your pleasure. This is not to imply that sex should be all about women, but it sure the hell needs to stop being all about HIM. In other words, NO MORE FREE BLOWJOBS! If you are with a partner who cannot seem to grasp this notion. DUMP him and move on. There are many lovers in the sea. Find one who will worship your pussy, use after use, after use.

Of course, sex has other consequences, other than running into selfish lovers. Pregnancy, STD’s, and yes, pesky emotions. I have had sex end a twelve-year friendship. Looking back, I wish the two of us had never had sex. We had been good friends for several years, and one day that escalated into a night of sex, which turned into a few weeks of sex, finally climaxing in a friendship dead because one of us developed unrequited romantic feelings. In other words, sometimes sex can make things sticky (in more ways than one) These are all things to consider when deciding whether to jump in the sack or not. And it is perfectly okay to weigh the costs and benefits. It is perfectly okay to say NO. It is also perfectly okay to say YES, if you have weighed the pros and cons, and decided that for you as a woman (and not him personally) that sex would be a good thing for YOU. Your vagina will not explode after one use, or even a hundred. Believe me. I’m close to forty and mine is still in working order, and will be until I (yes, I) decide to close up shop.

“Why do people say “grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.”
― Betty White

Earlier, I said virginity was a social construct based on false premises. Let’s look at those.

Virginity rest on two things being true.

1). After Use, the Female or Male genitalia “lose” something.

Not true. Both the male and female sex parts expand/engorge with blood in preparation for sex and return to normal after. The vagina, even after birthing a child, returns to normal, as does a man’s penis return to normal after sex. Yes, not even a big dick can destroy a woman’s vagina. Sorry PornHub. This is not to say our genitalia will not change as we age. Men and woman will both notice changes to their sex parts, along with the rest of their bodies, with age.

2). Sex Involves a Vagina and a Penis.

Not true. Sex can involve a tongue and a vagina. It can involve two dicks. In other words, the whole concept of virginity rest on the notion that sex only occurs with heterosexual men and women in the missionary position. To keep it simple, sex and sexual interest is simply more varied than this.

For my men reading this, I’ll say it to you personally, NO MORE FREE BLOWJOBS. Female sexuality is not a thing you own, despite the Hollywood and PornHub script. Real women require you to get to work. Learn to navigate the vagina. And don’t worry, it won’t explode after one use! It may not even get wet.

oface

 

 

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