Porn and the Epidemic of Fake Orgasms

 

“I think it’s a major epidemic in women, faking orgasms. So many women in this world feel like they are put on this planet to please men, and so they fake and they never have to worry about their own pleasure.”- Jenna Jameson

I cannot count the number of articles and magazines I have run across that promote that women not only embrace porn for themselves but also allow their partners to watch it.

The average porn film depicts a woman stripping for a man, followed by her on hands and knees performing oral sex—lucky if she isn’t forced to gag on it— and then tossed in several positions for rough vaginal, and anal sex, while oftentimes being slapped, called a “whore,” and all these acrobatics without much regard for what may please her or turn her on. At the end of it all, she gets a glob of cum on the face. And this is just the mild stuff. Child’s play if you will, in the arena of porn, because the truth is much of today’s porn is so humiliating, debasing and degrading to women that the scene described above is considered “vanilla” porn. In other words, the woman just hasn’t suffered enough because in real porn, a woman needs to know just how worthless she really is, taking all the body-punishing sex she can endure—and beg for more. Either way, whether you are into vanilla, or rocky road, porn (with the exception of some feminist porn) has some very explicit messages that leave women—despite all that hyper-sex appeal—without any real pleasure, because:

1). Pleasure is ALL about HIM; What he wants, when he wants it, and how he wants it.

2). A woman is a sex object for his use–whether that use includes abuse or not.

Now the violent & humiliation porn, which is becoming more and more mainstream has the above misogynist message plus others that are nothing short of dangerous, such as the sexualization of extreme violence against women (choking, slapping, fisting, spitting, rough anal, etc. ). However, that is a topic that deserves its own article.

And yet, women who don’t like porn because of this overall abusive message, and the focus of pleasure on men, and/or demand a relationship free of porn are branded with terms such as prude, anti-sex, feminazi, etc.

Because porn is real sex like Facebook is real connection like McDonald’s is real food.

mcdonalds

Irony. It’s a tricky sort of thing. Something you are not sure whether to laugh at or cry over.

Aside from penetrating (no pun intended) these sexually abusive messages into the people who consume porn (as well as the larger media), porn has some nasty effects on intimate relationships. Even if you decide to only consume the most feminist of feminist porn (only a small portion of porn is actually female-centered), effects on your real-life sexual relationships are inevitable. Just as we are susceptible to the market influences on our everyday lives, so we are vulnerable to the influence of what we use to get our rocks off.

Porn Makes Men (and Women) Less Excited with Real Sex:

Researchers into pornography have gone to the trenches. Yep, to the high school and college frat boys who have grown up on the nipple of porn. Older married men have also begun to roll into therapist offices like potatoes tumbling off the backs of pick-up trucks. And they all sing a similar tune. Real women are just not as stimulating. On a webpage of porn, men (and women) can search through thousands of videos that for the most part feature young, (mostly white) women who are thin, toned, with over-sized assets, bleached assholes, tucked labias and Kim Kardashian lip implants.  And these woman BEG for body-punishing sex. A real woman with flaws, stretch marks, and the word ‘No” in her vocabulary just cannot compete. If you are a woman and think you can compete, you are fooling yourself. Even if you are Mrs. Hot of the month, there is only one of you, while porn offers thousands of you in a few clicks and multiple versions of you that will stop at nothing to please a man—at your own expense.

This truth makes Como’s argument that porn can spice up one’s sex life almost a sick joke. If you want to spice up your sex life, toss the porn with all its plastic versions of formulaic sex and connect with a real partner(s). Now, if your argument is: I want to spice up sex with myself, then OK, porn can help with that. Porn can make masturbation easy peasy. However, all that solo sex bleeds into sex with a partner.  Many men (and women) opening up about how porn affects their real-life desires admit that during real sex with real partners, they have to envision porn to have an orgasm. They also admit that in order to reach climax, they have to imagine their partners are not actually their partner, but rather their favorite porn star/s or that they are the porn star. In other words, people sucking on the milk of porn literally become numb to real touch, sensations, and real people. Real romantic, huh?

Thanks for the advice, Cosmo!

Porn Decreases Sexual Performance

Funny thing that porn can make your sex drive sky high, but your ability to perform at sex easily equated to a limp noodle. Sex with yourself (and your Android phone) requires absolutely nothing but you keep your eyes open and tug on your genitals a bit. So when presented with real sex, and another person’s real genitals, rising to the occasion is a bit tricky and a trick you can longer perform given hours upon hours of solo-porn stints. No, really. Sexual dysfunctions such as erectile disorder are on the rise as many men equate sexual pleasure with staring at an object (female) who demands nothing more than he view her; she requires no touch, or caress. And this steady incline of sexual dysfunctions are not just being seen in older men, but also younger men. Great! As if young women didn’t have enough problems than a bunch of young bucks without a buck.

And ladies, it does the same to us. It makes our ability to perform at real sex, to enjoy real sex, and the ability to orgasm at real sex harder when we choose porn over people. As more, and more women tune into porn, they, too, will probably begin to tumble into the offices of sex therapist wondering where all their pleasure went.

Porn Slashes Female Sexual Self-Esteem

I have heard men state that porn makes them feel less than, like their genitals are not big enough, and porn does, in fact, reduce men to their genitals and what they can do with it. However, to be fair, many men in mainstream porn are very AVERAGE looking and they hold the POWER in the film, while women are usually very attractive and grossly sexually objectified and exploited. We can see this just by what the camera tends to focus on—and it’s not the man’s biceps or his rear. Along with gazing for long periods of time over her butt, breast and other body parts, her thoughts, ideas, wishes, desires are non-existent or generally mirror the man as he twists and torques her body for his pleasure until that pleasure finally ends up in her eyes. So when women walk away from porn culture they often feel very inadequate. And they have every right to feel this way. Many women walking away from porn begin to also criticize their own bodies, seeing their bodies as “sexless” and “unworthy.” When these women do engage in sex, they often engage in what is known as voyeurism type sex, only they are imagining themselves from the lens of a porn film, wondering if they can imitate the appearance of a porn star. Many women cannot. And they know it, which is where the feeling of inadequacy comes in.

So much for all that sexual liberation porn was supposed to bring us, right? Real liberating trying to play by a porn script? One you probably wouldn’t be cast for unless you are young, white, thin, tan, with enormous breast. Liberation just may be expressing you sexually without a script, and with someone who is excited about you, not the latest PornHub clickbait.

Porn is a Form of Sexual Cheating:

If you want monogamy in your relationship, great. If you do not, great, but let your partner know, because one-sided monogamy is unfair! Yes, solo watching porn while your partner is sleeping, working or coloring in adult coloring books is a form of sexual infidelity. You are lusting after and actually reaching climax with other human beings who are ultimately performing for your viewing pleasure via motor mirror neurons. The fact that these other human beings are not actually in your bedroom does not change the intent of the relationship. You are not watching porn hoping for profound insight into how the universe works either, but for sexual gratification. Gratification that you are not experiencing with your partner and one that will actually erode sexual pleasure between you and your partner. If that is not infidelity, I am not sure what would constitute infidelity.

“Oh, But He Watches it With Me…”

Oh, the number of times I have heard this. You are special because he doesn’t hide his porn from you, but you guys share it together. You even send him videos you like. Let’s be real, while he is kissing you, he is being turned on, not by the feel of your skin to his skin, or the curves of your body, or the emotional connection between the two of you, but rather the smack to Candy’s bum on screen. If it was you that was turning him on, why do you need the porn flick? And you aren’t really thinking about your partner that much either, but trying to arrange your bum like Candy’s because, in the end, she is the sexual object in all this hot, steamy, animalistic copulating. Not you, and nor your partner. Sounds special to me, I guess… (sarcasm).

If you want special, tune into each other, feel the feel of each other’s skin, learn the other’s pleasure points, find toys, discuss secrets, hopes, desires—one not created by an industry intent on banking on your displeasure with a real partner.

couples

Porn has other sinister effects—especially as it becomes more violent— such as promoting a rape culture, being highly addictive, being used as prime grooming material by pedophiles, increasing sexism and misogyny in society, but this articles focus is on how porn directly affects sexual intimacy between couples, given all the advice to couples that porn can heal every sexual woe under the sun.

So, despite what the latest Cosmo says, or the latest porn star claiming female empowerment, the science is in. Science, oh that pesky little thing that always interferes with the fun stuff…like cigarette smoking and the massive burning of fossil fuels. Like the tobacco industry and the oil industry, the porn industry is a billion dollar industry with roots with major media outlets, including hotel chains, cable companies, and magazines. This is an industry that has many PR campaigns, and a million dollar marketing budget which work tirelessly to sell their version of “sex”—sex that demeans women—to the masses.

And they aren’t selling it hoping that you have a satisfying, healthy sex life, or (to the ladies) even one that includes your sexual pleasure, making it perfectly OK to say NO to porn and YES to sex. Actually saying NO, is more than OK, it is reasonable.

If for whatever reason, you feel you can beat the odds and can circumvent any relationship effects or do not have a partner, and feel you need porn to help with masturbation (people masturbated for years before web porn), seek out porn films that focus on pleasure for the male(s) as well as for the female(s). There is a small collection of this type of porn available—some of it for FREE (Google female-focused porn). Many of these “feminist” porn films focus on very attractive men who are jumping hoops to pleasure their female co-stars😊 Your male partner who insists on porn may just think twice after seeing unusually attractive men productively focused on female pleasure, as they will feel inadequate pretty quickly—and they may just sing a different tune.

hotmaleporn

Information is Power:

Porn’s Effects on Desire:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2051902/Men-use-internet-porn-likely-hopeless-bedroom.html

https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2014/dec/11/pornography-use-affects-real-relationships/

Porn’s Effect on Performance:

http://nymag.com/news/features/70976/

https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/gq-magazine-tells-men-quit-watching-porn-before-it-ruins-your-sex-life

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/10675087/Is-porn-ruining-your-relationship.html

Porn’s Trend Towards Extreme Sexual Violence Against Women:

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/porn-has-changed-for-the-worse-even-men-have-noticed-8846457.html

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/in-theory/wp/2016/05/27/pornography-is-more-than-just-sexual-fantasy-its-cultural-violence/?utm_term=.6e450b174b

https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/rendezview/rougher-harder-violent-how-porn-is-warping-the-male-mind/news-story/504698ce318f551052847f13ac678fd1

Porn is Addictive; If you Need Help, Get It:

https://fightthenewdrug.org/

Funny that magazines for women promote porn, while many male magazines warn against it:

 

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